Sad Day

In simple language, sad means something deplorable or pitiful. But i guess today means even more than sad. In the passage of times, we live among the living and and history presided over all things that develops and grows until death do us part. Cynical as it may seems but life is surely inseperable from death. My aunt passed away yesterday night. In all my plucked -up courage and bleak enthusiasm i decided to drive to the deceased home, somewhere in Pahang. It was a few stops along the way for a fast food breakfast, fuel topping, toilet easing, and some phone calling for route guidance from my relatives. The journey ex KL was kind of pleasant and unperturbed. It was so many long years that i have not drove inland in the states of Malaysia on my own and especially those places which were not pretty much my regional territory in other words, areas near my hometown.
The route up Kuala Pilah, after i exited from Senawang was quite a fresh ride. The upscale task of ascending the physical terrain towards the Negri Sembilan royal town was somewhat met with awe and surprises especially the green scenery and beautiful landscapes. It was nice and breathtaking except that traffic was controlled and vehicles riding bumper to bumper all the way stretching from the start until the end. There were all kinds of movers, from sawmill trucks to containers, trailers, ambulance, petrol tankers, liquid movers and of course the ubiquitous protons and other makes.
The road seems infinite; nevertheless uncrowded until i reached Batu Kikir. The name sounds alien to me alright but i was determined to find my way to reach my ultimate destination which is Bukit Mendi, a FELDA settlement which my cousin has made their permanent abode and where my late aunt has called home to her last days. I have not seen her for a very very long time indeed.
We only met during Hari Raya, where chances are if she was well, she would be brought home to her matriarch house to receive close relatives and exchange visits and well wishes. To recount the old days when i was much younger and she was in a fitter maternal days, she was considered a very strict aunt in many ways. Much feared for her strong religious background and strict family rules of tradition and customs , i fondly recalled staying in her house during my primary school long vacation in August or December in the sixties. Being alone by myself means having to live the daily schedule very much on my own. The days were too different from my hustle and bustle city life that i took to sacrifice . Although not much of my own choice to leave my family and home, the first few days were very much anticipated until the days dragged. I spent much of my time wandering and playing on my own. Though i could not see my aunt as often as i want, i behaved very well indeed in the absence of my parents or other siblings. I would run off with the chickens, built small wooden huts as though i would live there and even experience to play "masak masak" imaginatively although i knew i was doing it all on my own. I realised that being alone was much of a pre youth occupation of my life. It was there all the time and i learn from its independence of childhood with not much of a guidance altogether. Was i sent off to be away from my family or was it really a vacation that matters. I realised now that being away sometimes can be quite antagonising or miserable ? which is only felt at night . The nights spent at Mak Hilir's house was a little scary when darkness fell. There were no electricity like back home. There was no TV too. TV was not really an issue until much later in my bigger ages. There were many people who will congregate at her home to learn the Koran and reading its holy scriptures aloud. That teacher was my cousin. She was such a demure lady that later when i returned to stay at Mak Hilir's house, in the later years, her absence was much felt , i would say strongly. She would be my close sister who will feed me and chat with me and looked after me when i am holidaying at Mak Hilir'house.
She of course was Mak Hilir's eldest daughter and she was married off to another nearby relative, thus answering my doubts about her disappearance in the later part of the years.
Such was the scene that vividly plays in my mind at that time. It was play and an indulgence of recreation most of the time. I thought i was a well behaved boy and also a good student that i needed no supervision whatsoever in doing my own things and i enjoyed myself quite deservingly for that. Hooray, no adult folks to mind my business so to speak. Nowadays i would asked my nephews and nieces about how they should perform in school and that they must study hard to be successful. It was a different ball game altogether in terms of coaching and family upbringing. Even parents nowadays are worried about how successful they will see their children through the rest of their lives due to the constant revolving environmental issues of the times.

I recalled one day when my eldest cousin, who is also deceased, came home one evening after he has returned from his job being a Jungle Police for a short break. That evening i saw my aunt crying about him. It was something i could not comprehend but very vaguely i thought it was about him leaving home again or maybe about marriage or girlfriend or something like that. I was too young to understand but the maternal tears that flowed from Mak Hilir's eyes proved to me it was like a mother's love for his son. It was such an emotional state of affair. I just sat there innocently and watched blankly on two people that means a lot to each other. I was slightly affected by the sensitivities around me that particular evening but that again i chose to see and forget but then again now i remember.
I love playing in the rain and it was a thunderous occasion. ( due to the loud thunders prevailing when it rains) The rain must have felled in December then, with its inundating sequences of the place surrounding me. I hid myself so that no one can stop me from enjoying my private shower. I would sit on the wet ground with slicks of mud all over my body but on second thoughts i wonder if i had actually ran around in my birthday suit???? !!!. No wonder kids loves a rainy shower session.
That i could not remember much however but i knew i had a terrific time in a fleeting moment of escapade.