Loving Couple in Kuala Lumpur - Photo by Oxymanus
You are in a popular restaurant in Muscat when you notice a beautiful Omani woman dressed up in her best abaya but alone in one corner of the restaurant texting away on her phone. She finishes writing her message and places her phone back on the table.
Moments later a young Omani man, who is sitting on the opposite side of the restaurant to the woman, picks up his phone after a text tone goes off loudly. He smiles and starts replying; the woman meanwhile sips her drink and toys with her pasta.
Maria, an expatriate from the UK working in Oman, thought this was just a coincidence until a second after the young man put down his phone, the girl’s loud doorbell-style ring-tone announced she had a reply. The messages continued throughout the meal until the girl paid her bill and left, the youth following minutes later.
After raising the incident with some local friends of hers, Maria was surprised when they said these types of encounters were becoming increasingly common as young men and women try to date or get to know each other without risking damage to their family name or distress to their traditional parents.
‘Reality-in-Oman’ is a young and popular Omani blogger who is married and thinks there are a number of problems facing young people in Oman when it comes to finding a partner. “One problem is that dating is looked down on. Good girls don’t date and good boys never marry girls who have been in previous relationships.
The idea of absolute purity and innocence seems to be most dominant when it comes to selecting your future partner, which is not possible,” she said.
‘Reality-in-Oman’ feels that it is a lack of communication and understanding between young people and their parents that cause problems for those trying to date. She finds the kind of secret relationships like the one described above to be unfortunate.
She said, “Some-times the hardest part is not finding love, but finding a healthy relationship that allows two people to grow. “Once love is found, young people face another huge obstacle that they have to pass, which is presenting that love to their families in the hope of receiving a positive response. Instead, many couples are faced with angry parents who reject the marriage proposal. Hence, you find couples looking for ways to deceive their parents into believing that the guy just happened to see the girl somewhere and fell in love.”
Baidha al Sikaiti, a PR manager in Muscat, thinks that with the increase in people attending private schools and studying abroad, along with the influence of media such as cinema and television, young people are being exposed to a more Western culture than before.
They try to balance this with maintaining their own culture and values.
She said, “Dating is not something our families accept, as it is not part of our culture, but people do date here, and it has become the norm.
“Valentine’s Day is a special day of celebration that all men and women look forward to, as it’s nice to receive flowers and gifts from someone special. There is nothing wrong with dating, but it is very important to have your limitations as well as respect for yourselves and your family.”
Malik al Kuwili first fell in love with his future fiancée in 2003 after they got talking at a family function. Outside of the event their relationship continued to grow as they called and messaged each other via their mobile phones. It wasn’t until 2007 that Malik dec-ided to propose to his girlfriend; when he did, she accepted and asked him why it had taken him so long.
With no safe place to meet, the couple see one another at family functions and other social gatherings, but made the decision not to date in public.
Malik said, “I don’t want to bring a bad name to her by going out with her in public. Since we know each other well, that is enough for us. Besides, concepts like Valentine’s Day do not bring much excitement to our relationship.”
Despite this, some of his family members disapprove of the match, as she does not come from the same community as him. In response to this Malik hopes things will settle peacefully in the future.
But Malik is not the first person to face problems when it comes to the tricky world of love and romance. Salim had to seek the court’s intervention to marry the woman he loved because her parents did not agree to his proposal, even though the woman did. Salim said that despite six years passing since the couple managed to marry successfully, he does not enjoy a good relationship with his in-laws.
Tuwera al Mazrooe, a student in Muscat, does not think it is hard to find a date here as people will often approach others for fun, introduce themselves and start a conversation.
Tuwera thinks that the current cultural attitude in Oman makes it difficult for children to be allowed to date unless their parents are very open-minded. She said, “People need to be a little more broad-minded and not link up two people just because they are talking.”
Some names have been changed to protect identities
Excerpt from : The Week, Oman
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